“Five Stages of Writer’s Grief”

 

  1. Denial. I’m a notable, talented and prolific writer, and I can finish a story in a day, and any notable publication will accept me.
  2. Anger. Why, after five consecutive days, can I not come up with a better plot than a man and a woman having sex on Parisian cobblestones under the acid rain, and better motivation for their action than a mixture of boredom and weed?
  3. Bargaining. Please, let me come up with a new idea, and I will never write a negative book review again.
  4. Depression. Am I really losing my touch?  My description of sex on Parisian cobblestones is so pedestrian and it would torture the reader even if it passes by the editor.
  5. Acceptance. What is wrong with a plot about a man and a woman having sex on Parisian cobblestones except for them having bruises and burns, but that is not my problem? I can always claim Jean-Paul-Charles-Aymard Sartre made me do it, and if a notable publication would not accept me, there are plenty of newly baked ezines that would be happy to have me.

About Mark Budman

Mark Budman was born in the former Soviet Union. His writing appeared in Five Points, PEN, American Scholar, Huffington Post, World Literature Today, Daily Science Fiction, Mississippi Review, Virginia Quarterly, The London Magazine (UK), McSweeney's, Sonora Review, Another Chicago, Sou'wester, Southeast Review, Mid-American Review, Painted Bride Quarterly, Short Fiction (UK), and elsewhere. He is the publisher of the flash fiction magazine Vestal Review. His novel My Life at First Try was published by Counterpoint Press. He co-edited flash fiction anthologies from Ooligan Press and Persea Books/Norton. http://markbudman.com



  • wenonahlyon

    I especially like No. 5, which could be the beginning of the five stages of a writer’s self-knowledge.

  • Glen

    This had me first sniggering then laughing out loud.