“Marital Tip #79”

When out of town on a business trip, do not get caught up in the moment. Remain emotionally-neutral whenever possible.

For example, it is not advisable to send the following text to your wife (especially when she’s postpartum and crutched by Prozac): “Eating solo at IHOP for bkfast. Waitress has awesome tits! Reminds me of u.”

Brandon learns this lesson the hard way five minutes after his index finger, sticky with syrup, hits the Send button. While paying his bill, the cell phone vibrates in his pocket like a hornet about to sting.

David Abrams

About David Abrams

David Abrams’ debut novel about the Iraq War, Fobbit, was named a New York Times Notable Book of 2012 and a Best Book of 2012 by Paste Magazine, St. Louis Post-Dispatch and Barnes and Noble. It was also featured as part of B&N\'s Discover Great New Writers program. His short stories have been nominated for the Pushcart Prize and have appeared in Esquire, Narrative, Electric Literature, Consequence, The Greensboro Review, The Missouri Review, and many other places. He regularly blogs about the literary life at The Quivering Pen (www.davidabramsbooks.blogspot.com)